Your own ears will hear Him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to right or to the left.
(Isaiah 30:21 NLT)

Opening my eyes to a brand-new day. Although I’d prefer to not think, my mind always raced into the wilderness I’ve been living into for the past five years. It’s been such an arid place that just doesn’t seem to harvest anything but grief. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year. It’s toxic and as difficult it has been, I couldn’t muster the strength and peace to tear myself away from it.

My weakness is my enemy!

“In two years, your suffering will end. Do not contact…” Still in bed, I turn around to see where that sound came from. A still small voice. No one in my bedroom. No radio. In fact, I’m totally alone. Did I just imagine that? What do I do with that? Am I losing my mind? Question after question without any answers. Heart beats pounding through my chest, louder than the sound of drums!

Did I hear the voice of God? Or. Did I imagine it? Or. Is the enemy playing with my head? My heart? I’m so confused! I don’t know what to do! This is what I do know. That separating myself from this has been impossible. No matter how hard I’ve tried, I just couldn’t. I always gave in! And each time, it led me back to the place I desperately needed to be saved from. A place with no hope. A place with no future.

Gideon replied, “If you are truly going to help me, show me a sign to prove that it is really the Lord speaking to me.
(Judges 6:18 NLT)

As if that isn’t enough to make me doubt its validity, it was followed by messages that I couldn’t wrap my head around. During late afternoon, I’m catching up with my Encouragement for Today email from the day before. Gideon, the Mighty Warrior. In Judges 6, the Lord is telling Gideon that after seven years of having been given over to their enemy, the Midianites, The Lord is now handing the enemy over to Gideon. Gideon, like myself, didn’t think much of himself, believing he’s from the weakest clan among his tribe of Manasseh. But the Lord told him, it’s done. It’s over. His enemy will no longer have that power over him.

Gideon trusted God!

I considered Gideon’s weakness and thought of my own. Like Gideon, I’m weak. Like Gideon, I don’t trust myself. Like Gideon, I’m afraid. It’s been five years since this nightmare began. If I did hear the Lord, then it’ll be another two years before it’s over. Total of seven years. Five in the Bible represents grace. Seven in the Bible represents completion. Grace and COMPLETION. Does that mean God’s grace is upon me regarding this season of my life? Does that mean it’ll be over? What will be over? The suffering? The waiting for it to turn around. The end of it in its entirety? What?

Confusion is of the enemy!

Just when I think that’s it, there’s more! As I’m lying in bed, getting ready to end this confusing daunting day, I read page 59, the chapter of ‘The Spiritual Gifts of Wisdom’ from the book, “The Gifts and Ministries of the Holy Spirit”. At the bottom, the text jumped off the page, binding itself to all that happened earlier today! “The spiritual gift of wisdom is when the Lord reveals to you something that hasn’t happened yet”. Woooo! Woooo! What just happened?! What does it mean that it’s revealing something that hasn’t happened yet?! I could barely breathe! Did God actually speak to me this morning?! Was he really telling me it’s going to be over in two years?! The sobs begin!

His mercies are new every morning!

Then, as if that wasn’t enough! Exactly one month to the date, another surprise! I open my eyes and praise Him for the blessing of a new day (I love morning surprises). I turn over and grab my phone to launch Pandora. The first song stirs my heart. I Can Only Imagine. While taking a deep breath, the second song plays. Por Siempre Te Amaré. I almost off the bed! For two and half years I’d been praying that if God is going to grant me the desire of my heart, then He will confirm it by playing these songs, back to back, on Pandora. A platform that can’t receive song request. Songs played randomly. Therefore, only able to be played in that order by God. And it was!

“Take your son, your only son – yes, Isaac, whom you love so much – and go to the land of Moriah. Go and sacrifice him as a burnt offering on one of the mountains, which I will show you.”
(Genesis 22:2 NLT)

I didn’t know how to do what I was told to do. I wasn’t asked to do it. I was told to do it. But how? How would I give up on this and walk away? I was never able to do it before regardless of my many attempts. Fear always had me believing I must hold onto it because if I let it go, it’d be gone forever. The mere thought of that would paralyze me. My heart in pieces. I was a newbie to the Christian faith. I wasn’t sure how to walk in it. Truth is I was often confused how to live into it. But I knew I needed it to survive!

Abraham must have been extremely terrified when God told him to sacrifice his promised son, Isaac. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for him! I mean really! My child! How do I even begin to consider sacrificing my own child? A long-awaited promised child! But Abraham had to do what he had been commanded to do by our God Almighty! Obediently, he summoned his son and headed up to the land of Moriah. A place he would never forget. A place he will always have associated with the blood of his would-be heir.

Obedience is greater than sacrifice!

Often, when God calls us to do something, we will struggle in the process. Abraham demonstrated that as impossible it initially seemed to him; he would be obedient. He exhibited that by having a light touch, by not holding onto his promised son, the one he valued most, his hands would ultimately be full. Full of God’s promises. Descendants as numerous as the stars! As numerous as the sand on the seashore!

David put it on, strapped the sword over it, and took a step or two to see what it was like, for he had never worn such things before. “I can’t go in these,” he protested to Saul. “I’m not used to them.” So David took them off again. He picked up five smooth stones from a stream and put them into his shepherd’s bag. Then, armed only with his shepherd’s staff and sling, he started across the valley to fight the Philistine.
(1 Samuel 17:39-40 NLT)

I had no idea how to fight against the desires of my flesh. I’ve never been successful. Each and every time I tried; I’d lose the battle. I was always attempted to wage war as someone else. A person I was never created to be. Unprepared. One without faith. One without trust. One without confidence. One without strength. One without peace.

The absence of these critical elements is nothing but a recipe for disaster.

 David had a heart for God. He trusted Him implicitly. It didn’t matter that he was the youngest of his brothers. The one left behind to shepherd their livestock. The one who wasn’t thought much of. Yet. God. Was. With. Him. God equipped David with all he needed to face Goliath. It didn’t matter that the Philistine towered over David. Everyone feared the giant. Yet, what David saw in front of him didn’t intimidate him. He knew the God he served. Goliath fought with sword and spear and javelin, but David fought in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel!

The shield of God was greater than the sword of the enemy!

God poured of Himself over David. Filling him with faith, trust, confidence, strength, and peace. Shielding him from the Philistine threat. In addition, the Lord enabled David to use the sword of his enemy to behead him! He went into this battle with stones and was able to use his opponent’s sword against him!  WOW! We were created by God, for God. To entertain that we can triumph over our struggles without Him during anything that brings us to the brink of a crisis is fruitless. It will never yield the results we desire! Never! His presence is dire and must be sought in every situation! It doesn’t matter what I think or what you think.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
(Isaiah 41:10 NLT)

God was teaching me to depend on Him in all things. Especially the hard decisions faced with. I had to make a choice. Crossroads always seem to be ahead of me. Do I choose to believe I heard His voice? Do I choose to believe I had imagined hearing His voice? It’s confusing and therefore difficult to discern which is truth.

But nonetheless, a choice needs to be made.

So, I must be intentional to believe the Word of God. The Word of Truth. It was Him, whose voice I heard that morning. He supported His directive with scripture as confirmation. As difficult as it was, I did let it go. Trusting in God to provide all I needed to endure the heartache. To endure the process of a rebirth. As time passed, He equipped me with the five stones I needed. Faith. Trust. Confidence. Strength. Peace. God’s love for me is greater than all things! He would never steer me in the wrong path. He will always do what’s best for me. Even when it hurts.

Hope is elusive. You’ll never know its power if you give up!

The enemy is a cunning being. Often he’d have arrows aimed at me by others who said I never heard from God. Who said that my mind is playing tricks on me. Who said that it was my flesh desiring what it can’t have. But God has called me to believe in what I can’t see. To hope in the ashes. To embrace that grace knows my name. It’s not over. God’s not done with me yet.

What is your Goliath? Is there something you’re struggling to let go of?

 Dear Lord Jesus, You are amazing in all Your ways!  Your grace and mercy never ends. You give abundantly! You shower us with unconditional love that punctures every part of me that isn’t of You! You fill it with all that You’ve created us to have. You still speak today Lord. In our hearts. In our dreams. Your audible voice wasn’t only for the times of old. Sometimes in the difficulties of our lives we’re confused and question our sanity. But that’s not what You desire of us. You love us no less than those that lived thousands of years ago! Your love is the same yesterday, today, and forever! Lord Jesus, You died for them, for us, and for those to come. You promise to strengthen and help us when we turn to You. Help us do just that Lord. Turn to You. Help us Lord see that You’re all we need to live abundantly. Forgive us Lord when we choose our own way to yield the results that will never come. I thank You for loving us so much that You will not allow us to benefit from what we think is correct. Instead, You show us how to live into the Truth of Who You are! Thank You Lord. I. LOVE. YOU. SO. MUCH!

It is in Your Son’s Name Jesus Christ we pray.                                              Song: I Lift My Hands
Amen.

God bless you and yours.
I love you.

In His Grip,