For as he thinks within himself, so he is. He says to you, “Eat and drink!” But his heart is not with you.
(Proverbs 23:7 NASB)

I didn’t know whether to laugh, retaliate, or cry. With a frown he says, “OK rule number 144!” There’s been a constant of do’s and don’ts (on my part). ‘This isn’t done this way. It must be that way.’ No mercy in between. No grace. My way or the highway. Those are my thoughts. The inability to see our vast differences prior to sharing my home is costing an immense price.

My heart is tugging with a reckoning force. Have I transformed? Has there been growth? If so, in what capacity? I see the past screeching in my face. The scars of spoken words have been peeled open as we’ve occupied the same space. I realize it’s thirteen years since our demise, but our current proximity screams frustration and anger.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
(Roman 12:2 NASB)

The most vital component of our existence are our thoughts. Everything we strive for, whether we succeed or fail stem from what we think. How we choose to approach our endeavors will determine its’ harvest. A truth I’ve learned throughout the past years. My heart has followed where my mind has gone. I can promise that most times victory wasn’t what embraced me. Instead it was hardship and suffering. You see, most of my choices weren’t pleasing to God.

Caught up in a fleet of lies and deceit birthed numerous negative thoughts. Stinking Thinking! That mindset needed to change. Just as a baby learns to crawl before walking, I had to learn to delve into His truth. An adjustment aligning my beliefs with God’s infallible word was and continues to be the ONLY way!

As I’m a believer and attempting to be a follower doesn’t warrant me the right to persecute someone who hasn’t had an encounter with God. Or someone, especially like me, a Jesus lover, who doesn’t always seem to fit the mold of being Christ-like. Who am I to judge? Who am I not to offer the grace and mercy Jesus has graciously given and continues to offer me?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 NASB)

The fruits of the Spirit aren’t what I’m exemplifying as I engage with my house guest, or shall I say apartment guest. The challenge has painted a contentious woman. Someone who wasn’t showing the love of Christ in the actions displayed. My thoughts were affecting the person I’m trying to become. A mirror’s reflection of the distant past, feeling devalued taunting me every time I witnessed a familiar behavior. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder knocking on my door.

Oh, how I want to run! But where to? My physical body may be moved to a different place, but my heart will remain the same. Change must come from within. A requisition for a heart transplant must be ordered. That’s my only hope.

I must change my chain of thoughts before my life takes on a new form. Make no mistake, this is a difficult task. But His Word is rendering me the power to hold on. One moment at a time. Through Him and with His Strength, I can help a person in need. God doesn’t desire for me to grapple with my past. Instead to relish in the awakening of a new sunrise. To love on others as He loves me.

To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
(1 Peter 3:8-9 NASB)

I’m learning I must be intentional to being sympathetic toward my guest’s plight. It’s important for me to realize that we’re all flawed and blossom on our own time. I’m to see him as God’s creation and humble myself. Wash his feet if need be. No, these aren’t easy to do but I strongly feel I’ve been called for this person. One small gesture at a time can sum up to a wealth of grace simulating God’s richness in my life.

I can’t do this alone. His continual mercy and guidance are greatly needed. It provides me direction and desire to strive for the narrow path that’s leading me to life. My priority isn’t to conform to the days of old. Instead I’m to live by higher standards and diffuse my judgement with acts of grace, exemplifying the fruits of the Spirit.

In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”
(Acts 20:35 NASB)

Giving of myself shouldn’t be restricted to ministry. There’re many others in need of some assistance. It may be a stranger or someone I’ve intimately known. Colors of appreciation or resentment may prompt how much or little I provide for them. I ask myself, how much has God given for me throughout my existence? The response is an immeasurable wealth of goodness that He allowed me to taste and see.

Know that what He’s done for me, He’ll do for you! He wants to make a difference in your life as He has done and continues to do in mine. His desire is to cultivate our minds. The seeds He plants through His word will only harvest good things. You’ve heard it said, “Can’t mix apples and oranges.” One can’t produce the other. But the responsibility is ours to sow into the garden of our minds.

The conclusion, when all has been heard, is:  fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person. For God will bring every act to judgement, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.
(Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 NASB)

What’s dwelling in your heart? Is there something you’re grappling with?

Dear Lord Jesus, thank You for Your willingness to reveal those uncomfortable things harbored in the depths of my heart. Forgive me for not meeting him where he is as You have met me and continue to meet me where I am. Change is difficult but You’re teaching me all things are possible with You. As Jesus came to serve all of us, our hope remains in You for us to serve others. It doesn’t matter how much or how little we give if we do it with all of our heart. Teach us Lord, we can only harvest good things as You cultivate the seeds You’ve planted in the gardens of our minds.

It is in Your Son’s Name Jesus Christ we pray.                                    Song: I Give You My Heart
Amen.

God bless you and yours.
I love you.

In His Grip,