You shall not be in dread of them, for the Lord your God is in your midst, a great and awesome God.
Deuteronomy 7:21
As my phone rings, the last person I expected to be on the other end would be my beautiful daughter. She just left our home to meet with her boyfriend. New Year’s Eve festivities looming everywhere. Tomorrow night the beginning of a brand-new year! It’s always so amazing thinking about all the things that has happened and those yet to come. But never in all my thoughts, did the unimaginable enter my mind!
The screams on the other end, “Mom, Mom, they tried to kill me. Mom!!” As she uttered those sounds, the most terrifying thoughts raced through my mind as her words echoed over and over. I began to tremble from my head to my toes. My heart felt the greatest and most profound fear I’d ever known! All I thought was how could this happen? She just left our home! It’s a well-lit neighborhood. It’s dark but barely 8:00 pm.
“Mom, there were five of them. They came to me just when I was two buildings away from his home. One of them put his gun to my head as the others said, ‘Give me your wallet and your phone.’ Then another yelled, ‘Shoot her!’. All I could think was to dig into my bag and get my phone to call him and he’ll come down and help me. I was screaming. I was so scared! I know they wanted my stuff but what came to mind was to call him for help!”
In that moment, the realization of my daughter’s life being spared can’t be described! There wasn’t any doubt God had His hands over her. He protected her from the snare of the enemy. I couldn’t explain why. But I was certain it was through His will alone, that no harm was to come to her.
You shall not murder.
(Deuteronomy 5:17 ESV)
This experienced brought me to my knees, thinking of how many parents have lost their children. Murdered. The unbearable loss. Imagining what their child must have experienced. What their child must have felt. What was their child’s last words? Did they cry out for me? The horror that permeated every fiber of their being. Why didn’t I sense my child was in mortal danger?
Incomprehensible doesn’t begin to describe the terror they’re forced to endure. Every case has its own outline of events. Some are taken from us quickly. Some are tortured for longer periods. But the depth of their fear goes beyond anything that can be stated. The same for that parent. They’re tossed into a relentless whirlwind leaving a permanent loss.
Nothing justifies it.
The survivors don’t really survive. Life has forever changed. Unable to look at anyone the same again. How to know it won’t happen to another child? How to forgive yourself for not being there? Because the dire need to assume the blame is forever present. Answers that may go a lifetime unanswered.
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgement.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgement; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.
(Matthew 5:21-22 ESV)
God clearly stated how He felt then and feels today about murder. It was a wrongful act. He spoke those words into existence even though, He Himself, commanded the loss of life at various times throughout the Old Testament. He gives and takes away as quoted by Job (Job 1:21). But it was never meant for us to blatantly kill of our own accord.
The core of an individual’s character is birthed in the mind. Feelings of thoughts and angst are festered and ignites a fuel, burning in one’s heart. It becomes sentimental, desiring the license it needs to proceed into action. The aflame that has taken root will cinch everything it encounters in one form or another, leaving behind the irreparable ashes.
In His amazing grace, God offered us free will. In that realm of choices and numerous crossroads lies the path that leads to murder, among all other things. Good and bad. Righteous and unrighteous. The manifestations of what has brewed in our hearts are always under scrutiny and judgement by God. We don’t have to physically commit a wrongful act in order to be in sin, because it violates God’s command to love one another. And that in and of itself is sin! Bad thoughts hinder us from developing a spirit that is pleasing to God. Therefore, we’re subject to suffering the consequences of not only what we say, and do, but also our stinkin thinkin!
For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge His people.”
(Hebrews 10:30 ESV)
God has taught me never to ask “Why”. There are things I’ll never understand. I’m solely to trust Him. The grief consumed by a grieving parent is insurmountable! I can’t imagine anything that comes close much less be equated to it. It’s not surprising for a mom, a dad to hunt that person, snuff the life out of him/her as it was done to their child. An eye for an eye, right? Do the same in return, right? That’s fair, isn’t it?
O God, Your help is desperately needed!
No matter how much we seek to do just that, God tells us He’ll do it for us. He’ll judge. He’ll implement justice. He repays. He is sure to reap to those what they have sowed. Vengeance isn’t something He wants tainting our hearts. In His Omnipotence, He’s able to deliver what’s deserved without ever changing His character. But our character is fragile. Subject to alterations made by traumatic events.
During a time of tragedy, God wants to shape our lives by cleansing every part of us. In its place, fill us with His fruits of love, joy, and forgiveness. Yet it’s incomprehensible to exhibit these to someone who has hurt us so deeply.
Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually.
(1 Chronicles 16:11 ESV)
Life’s lessons have taught me I can’t do anything in my own strength. No matter how small or simple it may be. I’m only strong in His might. His love. His sacrifice. I have never been nor will ever be in control of any situation. The circumstances before me are only victorious when He’s present. He must be amid all of it!
I praise God every day for my children. My grandchildren. My great grandson. I can’t imagine losing any of them. For me, the only way to survive a loss of a child is when it’s done with Him. Jesus. It may take years but He’s more than willing to be the pillar of might. He’ll shelter the grieving parent under His wings. I don’t know how, but I have to believe that only through Him, in an inexplicable way, He’ll keep us from going to where there’s no return. Sheol. He’s more than able to reach down into the deepest part where anguish has taken up dwelling and do the unfathomable! Keeping us from committing acts of sin that would offend Him.
But for the Lord’s strength to be there, in the center of it all, I know in my heart I’d have to be intentional about seeking Him continuously. Not just daily. But second by second. Because it only takes a second for the world to fall apart around me. If I take my eyes off Him, I’m lost in an array of emotions that are far beyond my capacity to cope with.
Can you turn to Him to be your pillar of strength?
Dear Lord Jesus, Your love for us can’t be measured! It exceeds anything we could imagine. It knows no boundaries. The perfection of Your Being chooses to ignite in us a strength that can overcome the greatest challenge we may face as parents. Surviving our children. Lord, I lift to You all who have experienced this traumatic experience. Come Jesus, come! I just can’t imagine the grief. But God, You can Lord because You gave Your One and only Son to be crucified for us. But His resurrection Lord has offered us the empowerment needed to survive Lord. Strengthen them Lord. They can’t do this without You. Show them Your presence. May Your Comforter wrap them in His arms. Bless our children. Protect them from all harm Lord. May no weapon formed against any of our babies, young or old, prosper. Father, You’re the only one who can protect them. It is to You and You alone I surrender our children, and their children and their children to. And all who comes after them.
It is in Your Son’s Name Jesus Christ we pray. Song: The Hurt & the Healer
Amen.
God bless you and yours.
I love you.
In His Grip,